19 Funniest Christmas Festive Jokes - Silly Hilarious Xmas Jokes to Crack on Christmas Day

Funniest Christmas Jokes - Why do you think people during the festive period leading up to Christmas day say to others on passing in the street "Happy Christmas?" Surely it does not have to be spelt out, okay for the select few that it does; it is simply a way of telling others you hope they will have a jolly and happy time just like they are having. Let us not forget the reason why we do this. December 25th: Christmas day is when we celebrate the birth of Christ. So for this reason alone we rejoice.

What will make this year a Happy Christmas for you? No doubt we all wish for the same thing that world wars will cease, and our soldiers will return home safe, no more killings on our streets, the starving fed and the homeless have a bed for the night. Sadly because these horrors continue it means many Christmas wishes people make might not come true, so for them we say a prayer

When people are happy they smile and laugh, and why do they smile and laugh, simply because their happy. All joking aside it is generally because people are tickled pink over something funny that is been said like funniest Christmas jokes. This is an indicator for you to act on, it tells you that if you say something funny this Christmas your sure to get a laugh which will make them happy, and that is without being tickled.

19 Funniest Christmas Festive Jokes - Silly Hilarious Xmas Jokes to Crack on Christmas Day

Christmas entertainment does not get any better if you have a joker in the midst, and every family has one of those. It may even be yourself, if so allot this person or you that all important time to get the Christmas party going, and when it does then the fun will begin. There is nothing to beat the sound of laughter to tell you that everyone is enjoying themselves.

When Christmas dinner is over and you are all gathered round the fire cracking nuts and eating fruit let the joker take centre stage and start cracking Christmas Jokes. You can make this time even funnier by dressing up. Someone in a funny costume will always get a laugh before they have chance to open their mouth to tell a funny joke.

Most Funniest Christmas Jokes

1. Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandmas house. At bed time, they knelt down to say their prayers. As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, "Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope and a new bike." His older brother said, "Why are you shouting? God is not deaf." "I know," said his brother, "but Grandma is."

2. It was not long off Christmas and Billy and Ben decided to build an ice skating rink in the middle of their pasture. A shepherd happened to be leading his flock nearby and decided to take a shortcut across the frozen field. But the sheep were scared of the ice and would not go onto it. The shepherd became frustrated and began pulling them along to the other side. "Look at that," said Billy. "That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!"

3. A couple of days before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home from a business trip. The trip had been exhausting and he was not in a good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale. Being in a bad mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I were not married, I would not kiss you." That is not what it is there for," said the attendant. "It is so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

4. The judge asked the defendant stood before him what he was charged with. "Doing my Christmas shopping early," was the reply. "That not illegal!. How early were you shopping?" Before the store was open he replied.

Will your audience this Christmas be little kids then we cannot have them missing out of the festive fun - Christmas gags for kiddies.

5. What did the snowman order at Burger King? Ice-burgers with Chilli sauce

6. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite

7. What do you call a snowman on roller blades? A snowmobile

8. How can a snowman lose weight? He hangs around till summer

9. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes

10. How does Jack Frost travel to work? By Icicle

11. What does Jack Frost get for Christmas day? A Freezer

12. What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause

13. Who looks after Father Christmas when he is ill? The national Elf service

14. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck? Christmas Crackers

15. A little boy asked Santa what he did in the off-season. Santa replied," Well, I do have three gardens." The little boy asked Santa why he had three. Santa chuckled and said," So I can ho, ho, ho!"

16. There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It is raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I do not think so, dear. I think it is snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let us step outside and we will find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Make your Christmas Day the Funniest ever with Festive Humour

17. What is red and white and black all over? Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.

18. Santa Claus has a fear of getting stuck in the chimney. It is called Claus-trophobia.

19. Santa goes up and down so many chimneys that he is thinking of getting a yearly flue shot?

Stick with the joker in your pack and your sure of a jolly good time.

Getting into the Christmas spirit takes no more than being around people all ready in it

19 Funniest Christmas Festive Jokes - Silly Hilarious Xmas Jokes to Crack on Christmas Day
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Be prepared to make them laugh this Christmas and get your Funniest Jokes NOW

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The Differences Between Expressions of Interest (EOI), Request For Proposals (RFP) And Tenders (RFT)

People often ask what the difference is between the Expression of Interest, Request for Proposal and Request for Tender approaches to procurement of goods or services. These methods are ways that a company (quite often a public/ civil service or government body) requests offers or proposals for the provision of service or products. The differences between these three approaches are outlined in this article.

Expression of Interest (EOI)

Calls for Expression of Interest (EOI) are used mainly when the requesting company does not have a solid idea on the type of product or service required. The company releasing the EOI may have a high level understanding of their business problem or requirements, or type of product they require, but they are unsure of the market's ability or desire to meet their need. The company releasing the EOI may need to collect some additional information before they are able to make some procurement decisions.

The Differences Between Expressions of Interest (EOI), Request For Proposals (RFP) And Tenders (RFT)

Examples of useful information gained from an EOI include identifying:

available technologies, products or service available in the market place to meet their business need the willing and interested parties or vendors offering the potential products or services whether any of these potential companies will accept the terms and conditions imposed by a contract or deliverable expectations the maturity and experience of the companies offering those products or services, and their abilities to deliver similar products or services the likely indication of costs associated with delivering the product or service a shortlisted number of providers, which can be used to progress to an RFT or RFP

It is unlikely that an organisation will directly purchase from performing an EOI. Given the cost and effort involved in preparing a response to an EOI, requesting companies quite often engage specialist consultants to perform market surveys to scope out the available products and services and their providers without actually doing a formal EOI. This method ensures that there are no costs incurred by potential providers. This also assists if the requesting company does not want to highlight to the market that they are on the verge of making a purchase, or have not actually secured the funding for the project.

If an EOI is made, due to the costs involved, many potential respondents may have second thoughts about submitting a response. However, the last point (6) mentioned above is the key issue needed to be balanced by prospective responders when determining when to respond. If a company doesn't respond, there is the potential risk that they will not be able to enter into the RFP or RFT stage of the procurement process. This decision to respond can only be made by that company when weighing up the benefits and disadvantages.

Request for Proposal (RFP)

Requests for Proposals (RFP) are used to directly purchase goods or services. The requesting company clearly understands their business problem or need and is aware that there are potential options available in the market place, but is open to suggestions for solutions to their problem. This is quite often requested for consulting services, where the exact physical deliverables cannot be defined, or in information and communication technologies (ICT) projects where there are multiple solutions to a business problem.

The RFP gives the purchasing company with the most flexibility in purchasing, as although the requirements may be defined, the solution is not. The requirements stipulated by the RFP may range from being quite specific or be broad, high level business requirements. However, by nature, an RFP will allow an offer to suggest the best way to solve the problem. RFP's provides responding companies the best opportunity to demonstrate the way in which they would solve a company's business problems or needs.

Once an RFP has been evaluated, the requesting company may end up in a number of situations such as:

deciding on a preferred solution or service provider, and negotiate a contract with them shortlisting some preferred candidates, and enter into negotiations with all of them, as a tactic to find the best option deciding to accept part of a solution from one or more vendors, if they are not convinced that any one solution is acceptable deciding that there is no acceptable solution and changing their requirements, and either asking for further submissions from companies that have responded to the RFP, or closing this particular RFP and starting again

Request for Tender (RFT)

Requests for Tender are often using in the building and construction industry where the solutions to a problem are very specific, and have been designed and specified. An example is a tender for construction of a house or bridge, where the designers have drawn up the plans with measurements, and all materials have been clearly specified. I can't imaging many people requesting a tender for a "four bedroom house" and not telling the prospective builder what they want it to look like!

For a tenderer responding to a RFT, there are not many variables or options to offer different solutions. Tenders are not normally used for this reason. It could limit flexibility and creativity, which is an issue if a requesting company has not done much investigation into available solution. On the other hand, if you know your specific requirements, and don't want any deviation from these specifications, then you use a RFT.

In summary, the best option for most purposes and flexibility in procurement is a RFP. If requirements for a project are very specific, and any deviations from your specifications are not acceptable, then use a RFT. However, if a company has limited information as to options available in the market, an EOI could be a good start.

The Differences Between Expressions of Interest (EOI), Request For Proposals (RFP) And Tenders (RFT)
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Samantha Yee
Director
Tech Edit
http://www.techedit.com.au

Tech Edit is an Australian based company offering document editing and proofreading across a variety of areas including technical documents, business documents, academic documents and personal documents.

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High Speed Golf Carts: Choosing Your Options

Electric Low Speed Vehicles (LSV's) are becoming tremendously popular these days for a number of reasons. They are quiet, fun and relatively comfortable to drive, but more importantly, they do not use fossil fuel. New LSV's like the GEM and others can be very expensive though and not a practical purchase for those who would only use them occasionally or on weekends. Welcome the "lease turn in", out of warrantee, golf course Fleet Vehicles (golf carts) to the rescue. Three year old Club Car, EZ-Go and others show up by the thousands at auctions across the US every year. Some end up in neighborhood classified ads or used car lots after a quick cosmetic makeover. Many of them make their way to "chop shops" where they are stripped of their original golf paraphernalia, jacked up, fitted with showy wheels, carbon fiber dashboards, plush upholstery and satellite radios. They have paint themes ranging from your favorite adult beverage to your alma mater's team and such. A 00 golf cart is magically transformed into a ,000 "pride ride" for some lucky consumer.

The one thing under the fabulous makeover these vehicles usually have in common is the old batteries and components. The other thing is; they typically are set up to operate at really slow speeds (12 mph or so). You guys that have rented golf carts at your local course know why they do that. To operate on public roads and be categorized as a LSV, many municipalities require the vehicle to go 20 mph, and must be equipped with lights, seat belts and a horn. The lights and belts are pretty easy to deal with but getting your cart to go 20 mph is another story. Even if you are not trying to make it street legal, most users want the extra speed capability just to add more usefulness and enjoyment. 12 mph is just too painfully slow for most users. If you think that 12 mph is fast enough, give it a few weeks.

OK, so you are ready to do whatever it takes to make that baby fly. Well maybe 20 mph isn't exactly flying but it will sure feel like you were if you get dumped out at that speed. Safety belts are a good idea at any speed. The first thing to determine is how fast you really want to go and how are you going to use the vehicle? Is the terrain flat or hilly? Will you be hauling cargo of any substantial weight (No, I don't mean your mother-in-law)? For hills and/or heavy loads, you will need to also increase the torque of the cart. This means a more powerful motor and probably an upgraded motor controller to handle the extra current demands of the motor. There are several vendors that can supply such upgrades, but they can get expensive. Be sure to do your homework and shop around. If you have just a standard cart and use it on basically flat ground, you have a few more options:

High Speed Golf Carts: Choosing Your Options

• Taller Tires - Increasing the diameter of the drive tires increases the distance they will roll for each revolution of the axle, thus increasing the speed your cart will go. You first need to know how fast you can go with the standard 18.5 inch tall tires. Most portable GPS units can be used as a speedometer to find that. If you don't want to crunch the math, there are several free online calculators to help you determine how much speed you will gain with the new taller tires. A very good one is located the Digital Overdrive Systems website. Although increasing the tire size will increase you speed, the torque will suffer somewhat. That means you may have to leave your mother-in-law home! Tire size is also limited by the wheel opening. Most large tires require the cart be "lifted" which may not always be desirable and can be costly. The speed gain is relatively small (a couple of mph increase)

• High Speed Gear Set - In the differential housing or rear axle, resides a gear reduction system. The motor has a small gear that drives the axle's larger gear. Typically the motor rotates about 12 times for every one revolution of the axle. This is how the relatively low-power motor gains a mechanical advantage to propel the cart. Like the gears on a bicycle, it is easier to pedal when the drive sprocket is on the small diameter one. To go faster, you need to advance to the larger drive sprocket. The bike goes faster, but it is harder to pedal. In a golf cart speed gear set, the ratio is similarly changed by increasing the drive gear diameter, and the cart runs faster. Like the bicycle though, the motor has to provide more force "torque" to the axle. This type of modification is great for speed but will sacrifice low-speed torque (your mother-in-law again) and is not recommended for hilly areas. Installation can be messy due to the gear lubricant and requires some skill and know how.

• Increase Motor RPM - Increasing the Revolutions per Minute or RPM's of the motor is one of the most popular techniques for increasing a golf cart's speed. This type of modification does not sacrifice low-end torque like the two previously mentioned ones. Golf cart electric motors are designed to operate at a certain maximum RPM (typically around 3600 RPM) at either 36 volts or 48 volts and provide a good balance between speed and torque of the end product. Aftermarket motors have their field and armature windings redesigned such that they achieve greater RPM than the stock ones. If the motor spins at twice the original RPM, a 12 mph cart could reach as much as 24 mph. The motors are safe and reliable but can require the addition of a high current Controller to operate at full potential. Aftermarket "speed motors" are available from a number of vendors but can be rather expensive due to all the copper wire in the windings. There is one vendor that provides a really simple and easy upgrade for Club Car IQ carts called a SpeedyLink, which increases the RPM of the stock motor by about 50% without any additional modifications.

Whichever method you use to increase the speed of you golf cart, be sure to use good judgment and utilize proper safety equipment. Carting can be fun and functional for everyone and has many applications. Be safe enjoying your fast golf cart. Watch for more articles about golf cart upgrades and maintenance.

High Speed Golf Carts: Choosing Your Options
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The SpeedyLink from http://www.digitaloverdrivesystems.com will increase the speed by 50% and installs in seconds. SpeedyLink was designed to be a fast and affordable golf cart upgrade!

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